it's november (duh!) and you know what that means: NaNoWriMo! For the uninitiated NaNoWriMo stands for NATIONAL NOVEL WRITING MONTH and the goal is 50000 yep, that's right? INSANE. this is my second year participating in NaNoWriMo. last year i wrote only 8000 words and for those of you doing the math that is a pitiful percentage. seriously, did you do the math? can you tell me the percentage?

8000/50000 x 100. my brain can't do that shit. even "simplified". so let me know.

this year i cheated hardcore. yes, i cheated a contest with no prize but pride; my pride is worth very little in the face of competition with total strangers who will have no idea who i am. until i'm famous and then everyone will know who i am and they'll google me and know i cheated on NaNoWriMo 2012. SHAME... (not really)

this year i took the 8233 words i wrote last year and submitted that as my day 1 number to add to. whatever, i am still working on the same story so don't judge me, ok! and so what? because i'm not even sorry.

but here's the thing: at this exact moment i am kind of "over" fiction. i am going to work on NaNo for the experience and who knows what will happen with the "book"-maybe at the end of the day i will love it but right now, i don't know; and honestly, i don't know that i care. i do believe that the act of writing is a valuable one whether or not you actually show that writing to the world.

but i wanna show some writing to the world. i want to be published. on my list of career goals being published is very high on the list. i genuinely want to be that asshole who walks around talking about "my book".

"have you read my book?"

"it's available as an ebook too. i like to be green!"

"the font! have you seen the font on my book! a designer friend invented it! gah! i love a serif!"

etc...

(and please don't talk to me about when it goes out of print. why are you SO MEAN?!)

getting a play published would be cool too but not quite the same.

so there's this novel thing but it's only a piece of what i want... and what you're asking, totally riveted, else is there to want?

well, i've been reading a LOT of nonfiction lately: creative non-fiction, feministic blogs, comedy writing and whatever else i can get my hands on and THAT is what is inspiring me, moving me, throwing my heart and guts into creative turmoil.

so the new goal? write some smart (and hopefully amusing), entertaining and well-the-fuck-crafted essays. to search for my voice amidst the swamp of shit out there in the world and see what sticks to the wall.

it's all a bit of a rambling dream but i do know that i am going to work on being a better, stronger and more interesting blogger (blogger...yikes!).

so there we are. please leave comments, tell me what you think and let's get some conversation going. CONTROVERSY PEOPLE.