i actually wrote this for a fundraiser that my colleague amanda bergen and i did for our sterling award nominated production of chris craddock's pornstar.usa at the 2011 edmonton fringe. the theme was "significant first sexual experience: fact or fiction". this is fiction:


while on vacation in ottawa

It’s warm today-hot in fact. I can feel my skin remembering summer, sloughing off nostalgia and learning new things to remember. My wife is elsewhere, trapped in the shade and air-conditioned-paralyzed by a fear of sweating through lace. Had I known our views on humidity differed so completely I might have rethought my proposal; perhaps our December wedding should have tipped me off.

So she is there and I am here: basking! Glorious in the sun! I’d be lying if I told you I never thought of other women; never longed for something different; never dreamt of a life without my wife.

A female RCMP agent in a beige power suit with a gun and a bullet proof vest turning her shape into a Victorian queen walks past me, I make eye contact and we smile. I look away quickly shuffling to hide my erection.

“I saw that,” he said sitting down beside me and whispering in my ear. “I felt the same thing.” I blushed. He smiled and put his hand on my thigh. I tried to stutter, “my wife…” but he just smiled again and slid his hand up another inch. I felt myself get harder, my cock straining inside my shorts almost reaching for his hand. I looked down and saw a similar bulge in his chinos. His blue eyes and black hair set perfectly against the late-afternoon sun and for a moment I thought to myself, “black Irish?” or maybe French. As if he knew what I was thinking he winked and my jaw tightened as I felt his hand squeeze my thigh, “I’ve never-” I said and still he just smiled. “C’mon!” he finally said, “let’s have a picnic!”

He stood up and reached for my hand. Instead of taking his hand I stood up trying to hide my erection from the eyes around us. He was confident about his cock and allowed it to lead the way to his car parked just down a quiet street. I got in the passenger side and he in the driver’s and without a word we hungrily  groped for each other, tugged at our cocks, kissed and fondled: hands a blur, never sure who was touching who.

In a moment it was over. Both of us drenched in sweat and cum. “oh my…” I said, “bye.” I got out of the car and found a Starbucks nearby. I got a latte, cleaned myself up and went back to the hotel. I was going to shower but I found my wife there instead.

“How was the sun?” she asked. “Good, there were a lot of cops around.” It wasn’t really a lie. She got up, kissed me and said, “I’m taking a shower…it’s so hot here!”