I've always thought I was cynic when it came to love and romance. I've never described myself as a romantic nor longed for particularly romantic gestures. I did used to say that the only way I would ever marry anyone was if they bought me my favorite house; but that is far more demanding that a simple romantic gesture. Chuck Klosterman really pointed out how much John Cusack (and Cameron Crowe) fucked it up for all of us. I wrote a play about it...

Anyway, not a romantic. And my personal life has certainly served as proof of my fetish for realism in love. I have let myself get ridiculously intertwined with romantic fools and have ruined my heart more times that I care to mention and feel like my approach to love is an odd combination of hedonistic and pragmatic. Though, perhaps you'd be hard pressed to find a hedonist who wasn't somewhat pragmatic. Wait, hedonist? To a point, yes. I believe in pleasure and am constantly troubled by how much pleasure we deny ourselves on a far-too-frequent basis.

But I'm off track. Let's talk hedonism over gin, now I'm talking about whether or not I am actually a huge fucking romantic or not.

Something to note: I hate the show GIRLS. And it is my hatred of the show, watching season 2 and the movie "blue valentine" that brings this all to mind. Brings all what to mind, right? Maybe, I am, in fact, a romantic after all. WHAT? I know... it's weird. If you know me it's totally bonkers.

So my smart friend Amanda pointed out the other day that I am a romantic and that the reason why I don't like GIRLS is because there's no hope. And I think she's partially right. PARTIALLY- there is stuff about GIRLS that has nothing to do with hope/hopelessness that I hate. But as for the "love stuff" of GIRLS (and "blue valentine" and the like) it is a lack of hope that throws me off. We all know love is a little bit doomed and as a pragmatist, I know this well, but when I sit down to watch something entertaining I want there to be a bit of hope. And when there isn't I at least want a bit of a new perspective on the hopelessness. (side note: this is actually my biggest criticism of "blue valentine"-i've seen it all before...)

Maybe I am a romantic, maybe it's true. But for me romance has to be about hope, and not about candy and flowers and the bullshit grand romantic gesture to counteract some ridiculous act of drama. It has to be practical and generous and honest. Love takes a million forms and my hope for romance, whatever that looks like, takes on a million more.

Hell, sometimes the most "romantic" thing someone can do for me is just shut the hell up and let me watch an old episode of "Community" in peace.